JUST A FRIEND.......

Whatcha mean 'Lik?

Scene....Lunch in my office.

Female I was dating:  "Who are you Instant Messaging"?
Me:  "My friend"
Female:  "A friend...who?  A girl or a guy?"
Me:  "A girl"
Female:  "A FEMALE?!?!?"
Me:  Yeah, one of my sistas....a...
Female:  (interrupting)...you don't have any sisters!
Me:  She's a good friend.
Female:  (rolling her eyes)...You have too MANY female friends!!
Me:  {silence}

The old question:  Is a platonic relationship between two people of the opposite sex possible?  Can a man and a woman be good friend and leave it at that or would one of the person's want more? 

A constant debatable question.  I have heard and present arguments for both sides - why it CAN work and why it CAN'T work, but this time I am going to just present the facts.

When a male and a female set out to converse with one another and become friends, more than likely there was a buffer.  Whether they hung out with the same crowd, attended the same school, had classes together, worked together.....something....it was a buffer to draw them close - to develop the friendship.  It started out as talking and just hanging out.  After a while like any friendship, the conversation increases, time spent together, common interests are formulated, and wha-la...a "friendship" is formed.  Here is where the SHIFT occurs and a LINE has to be drawn.

Whether it is the female or male, time spent together with the opposite sex, SOMEONE is going to catch feelings.  Just natural.  If there is no physical time spent together, the friendship can remain just that.  However, in my opinion, once you open the door and share intimate/emotional details about one's life with a few laughs and shoulder cries, SOMEONE is going to catch "feelings".  That's emotional....that is a budding "love affair".  You see like Faith Evans said.."Love is Blind".  One person can see something in a relationship/friendship unbeknownst to the other person.  It can come upon you and not even see it.  One sided love/emotions will ruin a friendship.

Let's stop right there though and back up.............

Remember I said earlier, if you draw the line in the beginning, these feelings can be stopped.  I believe that.  When one of the people in the friendship understand and CONTINUOUSLY REPEATS....this is not going anywhere or I have a man/woman or I just like who you are as a person nothing more...then the friendship can flourish.  BUT...the moment you add more time, increase in phone calls, late night texting, going out every weekend and then some during the week, the game changes.  Time together changes things.

A punch to say hi...then that punch will lead to a long stare....a long stare will lead to a hug....a hug willlead to a cheek kiss....a cheek kiss will lead to a lip kiss....and like Rakim said in "Mahogany"...you know how far a kiss can go..."messed around and missed the show!!"

I think again a platonic relationship can occur if it is understood and time spent is limited, but even with that one of the parties will ask that question....WHAT IF???  They may not say it out loud, but they are going to think it.  Don't be naive girls and boys.

So with me, I limit my dealings and time spent with my single female friends.  I don't want to have those "thoughts".  Most of my "sistas" are married or in relationships.  That helps.  The ones that aren't, that I have not drawn the line with or in a 20 mile radius, I don't spend ANY TIME with.  A phone call here, a text there, and email on occasion and that is it.  No TIME.  Women I spend time with, I want something to go further with.  So my female friend I mentioned above, I tried to secure her with that notion, that "she's just a friend", but sometimes women are going to think more no matter what.  Why?  Because women know other women and normally women want what they can't have (that is another blog).

So in my book, platonic relationships can exist, but it will be a lot easier if the man and woman are straight-forward from jump.  If it is not communicated CONTINUOUSLY, one individual is going to say, they love you and really REALLY mean it and that awkward moment is going to occur, causing a dissolve in the friendship.  Once you cross that line....She's/He's NOT just a friend...........